The Art of Articulation

The process of therapy is complex. Developing goals, working through thoughts and feelings, and addressing our mental health involves a lot of unpacking. If you’ve never attended therapy, it’s common to hear it described simply as “talking about feelings.” While that is technically true, it’s an oversimplification of how the process works.  A better description is that the process involves finding the correct words to express our thoughts and feelings, then connecting them in meaningful ways. Developing the ability to effectively articulate both thoughts and feelings can lead to powerful insights into how you are influenced by your internal experience.

As people, we have daily pressures, responsibilities, and expectations we’re faced with. It's a requirement for most people to maintain performance in a fast-paced and highly competitive culture. We work to manage these stressors through hobbies, social activities, and family support.  While these can all yield a healthy work/life balance, the reality for most people is often more complicated. Balancing stress with healthy routine doesn’t always allow us time to reflect and organize our thoughts, our feelings, and our personal struggles. Humans aren’t robots. We internalize things. We experience uncertainty. We struggle with discomfort. We feel things.

So what then is purpose of talking through the issues swirling around in your head? A common metaphor I’ve seen is that of untangling a ball of thread.  When we’re so caught up in getting through our day, addressing our responsibilities, and maintaining our ability to function, we can be easily overwhelmed to the point that we’re no longer maintaining an awareness of what’s going on inside us.  This makes it challenging to conceptualize and communicate our experience effectively to others we depend on for connection. This can lead to feelings such as disconnection, numbing, anxiety, and depression. Finding ways to articulate to others and ourselves these experiences allow us to develop confidence, a greater sense of self, and a deeper connection with others. Part of what makes therapy beneficial is the process of untangling these knots, allowing us to gain greater confidence and control over these feelings, rather than allowing those feelings to control us.

However, this can be tricky. Expressing the human experience can often feel overwhelming and challenging to adequately convey. This is why careful articulation takes work. It’s not enough for most people to simply say “I’m sad.” It’s important we understand why we’re feeling the way we feel and how it’s impacting us on a deeper level. “I’m sad” becomes much more powerful when given the context “I’m sad because I’ve lost someone important to me and it’s driving me to drink more than I should because the pain is overwhelming.” When that’s expressed, we have a clearer understanding of the complexity behind that individual’s experience. The goal then becomes working through that experience to achieve healthier outcomes.

In therapy, we often work towards identifying general emotions such as “I’m angry” then work to deconstruct that feeling. While it can take time to clearly identify, the process may follow structures such as this:

“I feel angry” -> “I feel inferior” -> “I feel inferior because my family is disappointed in the choices I’ve made with my life.”

Another example may follow a similar pattern:

“I’m sad” ->” I’m confused” -> “I’m overwhelmed” -> “I’m overwhelmed because I feel don’t feel any control over my life.”

Once we identify more nuance to our feelings, we’re in a better place to understand how they should be managed.

Learning to articulate our experience in meaningful ways involves a lot of effort, careful consideration, self-awareness, and a willingness to self-reflect. In therapy, you may be challenged to find different languages to express yourself. You may be encouraged to elaborate on what you’re feeling. We may decide if additional effort is needed to identify your emotions. You may be confronted on your use of defense mechanisms to avoid expressing difficult realities.

Some pointers to help you ensure you’re articulating yourself effectively.

-What are my goals? What do I want to convey to my therapist?
-Do I feel heard? Do I feel understood?
-Is the language I’m using consistent with how I’m thinking & feeling?
-Do I feel that what I’ve expressed provides enough perspective about my experience?
-Is my therapist working to help me find the right words to describe what I’m experiencing?

Even when we are dealing with circumstances we can’t change, finding the right words goes a long way towards understanding our human experience, even when it’s complicated and painful to acknowledge. When we avoid doing this work, we’re more likely to be controlled by destructive behaviors. This can involve avoidance, shutting down, numbing behaviors, increased use of alcohol, increased substance use, sabotaging relationships, high-risk behaviors, and self-harm.

Articulating our human experiences is not a scientific method. It involves an artistic mindset and a willingness to creatively find ways to communicate ourselves in ways people can understand. Because emotions are often big and complex, it’s challenging to find the right words to convey our own world to another. But it’s a powerful first step towards confronting our challenges and ensuring that we’re the ones in control rather than allowing them to control us.